Updates:

--I have made Amish Bread for the past 4 ½ months with no fires or other catastrophes. Tip: self rising flour is not recommended when making yeast bread. Just FYI...

--Regular blogging has been no problem as long as "regular"” allows for a 5 month hiatus. I think that'’s reasonable.

--I have noticed no significant growth of my nose or earlobes. I a’m concerned about my left big toe though. I need to measure it on a bi-weekly basis to confirm or deny my casual observations.

--Sarah now has a laptop. She was asking for one of those Barbie computers with the 2 inch screen, but we set her up with this instead. So now, when her buddies say "“I have a Barbie computer"” or "“I have a Spiderman computer,"” she can say "“I have a Dell."”

--Adam and I say said "“Hi"” and "“Hey, what'’s up?"” almost daily, so verbal communication has nearly tripled around here. He has a nice voice.

--No more snake stories. There was a small one in the middle of the street a few weeks ago, but upon the last sighting it had become one with the asphalt.

--No change in the “drama department,” but I a’m not expecting that for the next couple of years. Or fifty. I don'’t want to get my hopes up about seeing that in my lifetime.

In the Not An Update Department:

--I am learing Chun Gi, the “movement” Sarah has to do for her yellow belt test. I must look really awesome when I practice because Adam watched me for a while yesterday and just shook his head. I guess he was so amazed that he just couldn't find the words to say. If I get a green belt someday I can work on my bowstaff skills.

--If anyone needs/wants a kitten -– or three, please contact Jennifer Pidcock. I can tell you how to reach her if you need that information. She has 6 right now I think (someone dumped them behind her house), and that may soon double, depending on whether the mama is pregnant or just overweight. She likes them, but is concerned about becoming "“the cat lady."” It'’s not like being "“Catwoman"” at all. Seriously, you don'’t get a black vinyl suit or anything. Otherwise I think she'’d go for it.

That'’s it for now but I'’ll keep you all in the know of anything exciting or mundane here. One or the other is bound to happen soon.

Drama Club

--Take three girls, all under 5 years of age, whom God has blessed with strong wills, put them in a room together, then sit back and enjoy the show.

My daughter is neither meek nor mild. Neither are two of her very good friends, which makes for a very interesting friendship triangle. Or friendship tornado, however you want to look at it. For those who do not have little girls, or by some freak of nature you have calm, unassuming girls, this may be enlightening. For the rest of you, consider it group therapy.

As any one of us mothers of these girlies will tell you, they are sweet, loving, smart, wonderful children. Any one of us will also tell you that you haven’t seen a Soap Opera until you’ve witnessed playtime with our crew. When they see each other from afar, they will shout the name of their friend and run toward them (cue slow-motion effect) as if in a grassy meadow, arms outstretched and tears sparkling in their eyes. Then, within 90 seconds, you will hear the usual “No I’M going to be the Mom! You have to be the brother!”, “Stop it! I wanted THAT one!” (translation: I want the one you are holding that it exactly like the one I am holding.), and of course, the queen mother of preschool threats, “I’M NOT GOING TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE!!!” This last one simply means, “I am not going to play with you for the next 5 minutes or until you are doing something I would rather do too.”

Recently, my neighbor’s daughter (one of the 3 Estrogen Princesses), in an effort to demonstrate her indignation with an unreasonable mother, announced that she was moving to our house (approximately 7 ½ feet from her house, which was a smart move since she wouldn’t have to break open her piggy bank for cab money). She never made it over and I was a little insulted. What made her think better of her plan? A number of things went through my mind before it landed on the likely truth. She has probably witnessed some “exchanges” between me and Sarah, and decided she was getting an overall better deal at her house.

In a recent email-a-thon between myself and my two friends, one of those sickos posed the following question:

“Ok, so in the case of Sarah and Mallory, the attitude queens, being able to move out whenever they want, Arden wants to know if she can tag along too! Here's a funny thought: Can you imagine what it would be like for those three to share a dorm room together, during PMS week?"

Followed by the other one:

“How about this- all 3 BFF in HIGH SCHOOL, crush on the same boy, sharing clothes, and PMS. When I think of this I feel better about the here and now- which is no picnic.”

I, on the other hand, was the only one that offered sound advice rather than reveling in their psychopathic ponderings:

“Oh run far, far away if that happens.”

Thanks goodness one of us has a level head. Is it any wonder the other two girls are so dramatic with mothers that dwell on scenarios like that? They never stood a chance. But....if that does happen, maybe one of us should call a TV crew – smells like reality TV to me. Paydirt.